Julian @YouTube

Me

I’ve performed this song “Me” literally hundreds of times. Every time I touched the last chord, or sang the last sentence of every single version, this voice in or around my head was repeating over and over again: “That was wrong!”, “You can do better!”, “Damn, that one note was not okay!”, “Why did I sing that line that way??”, “What’s the matter with you!?!”, “Will there ever be a moment when you simply play this song perfect?”, “Or ANY song for that matter..!!!”.

..et-fucking-cetera…

Funneled:
“When will you finally be able to act a “you” who is just right and be like that one, that your REAL you is definitely not”.

So, maybe it’s easy to understand that most of those hundreds of times were performed…just for me.

There is a version of “Me” that is perfect and it exists in my mind. In fact, I realize it is the ONLY place where it exists.. However, I’m still hoping, fighting to catch that version, one day and manifest it here on earth.. But knowing how many miles I’ve travelled so far to find it…probably not. Besides, when I do get to find it (which again, I probably won’t) then a good question would be:
At what cost?? The answer to that one: my life…

So maybe, just maybe I’ve created something in my mind that isn’t real. Some version of “me” (notice a double meaning) that actually does not exist. If it were I would’ve met it long ago. Long ago.
Having said all that… I just simply recorded my best version I could BE in this moment. So, there you go. I’m just gonna leave my head and mind throwing their tantrum, while they’re drooling over the “existing favorite version” that they believe in and that they want me to look at and go for. every minute of every day.
Meanwhile I simply recorded the version that IS accessible to me.. and real.. A version that DOES exist, Right Now. In this moment. And it is perfect, just the way it is. Sorry head. Sorry mind. You’re not real.

This IS real. It’s all I got. It’s all I AM.
Me.